Last Time You'll Hear About These...

We’ve been on vacation away from the idiot box for two weeks, and it’s taken me a little while to get through the pile-up on the DVR. Thanks to the following three shows for making that task a little easier:

The Beautiful Life. I don’t know why the CW is still so obsessed with finding a companion to America’s Next Top Model: Tyra is rumored to be bored with the show and the current season is enjoying an ever declining viewership. Still, of the many shows jettisoned as a potential ANTM compliment, The Beautiful Life failed the fastest, which is kind of impressive. It’s no wonder: the high point was Mischa Barton reformatting her role as the vomiting ghost in Sixth Sense to a model that goes from pregnant to a runway stick in just six months.

Mercy. Remember how much I loved HawthoRNe? Mercy may actually be worse. I don’t know who convinced Michelle Trachtenberg to go back to the “Who, me?” acting style from her early days on Buffy, but it’s a huge backslide from the diabolically resourceful Georgina Sparks of Gossip Girl.

But the hands-down winner for most disappointing new show would have to be…

Cougartown. Remember how I was rooting for a fast-paced snarkfest? Cougartown delivered a never-ending hangover from the premise that woman have to wear too little clothing and drink too much alcohol to have a good time.